This is for sure an adult-only episode, as my guest is the delightful porn starlet Lily Labeau! Watch the exclusive video version of this on Patreon!
We cover sooooo many topics, from spirituality to BDSM to dating as a porn star to becoming a birthing doula…and OH SO MUCH more!
I found this to be another wonderful reminder of the humanness of all of us, walking along doing our best to find our way to something meaningful.
Some of the things we chat about are:
- Does Lily Labeau believe in God?
- Why she loves BDSM
- Why Lily loves crying during a BDSM scene/session
- Lily gives us an introduction to BDSM and fun ways to get started
- Talking about how being healthy is sexy
- Botox, plastic surgery and ageing on camera
- Praying to the divine feminine
- The shame I felt the first time I had sex
- We went on a self-love tangent (yay for masturbation!)
- Why Lily loves Make Love Not Porn
- What her family thinks about it
- How porn has taught Lily about herself and her shadow
- Lily says that Kundalini Yoga is soul medicine
- She tells us how she’s studying do be a yoga doula
- What’s dating like as a porn-star?
- And, if you can believe it, even more!
Lily LaBeau 0:00
Yeah, we all have the ability to be these sexual masters. We do everybody, everybody. So imagine that world you know, like everybody's sexually fulfilled feeling good confident inside that got laid the night before.
Nate Maingard 0:17
That's the truth and so are you and it's so okay to remember that it's okay. So really feel. Feel every little bit.
Nate Maingard 0:29
So happy to be back with you this week. It's been a really, really fun time in Nate land. I'm thinking about reclaiming my, my actual name, which is Nathan. This is like a whole other story that I'm just going to get into But anyway, Hello, and thank you for getting naked with Nate. It's such a pleasure to have you back. This week is another bangin week excuse the pun. I have the amazing guest and friend Lily lebow who is an independent porn star adults worker, as a Adult entertainer sex worker, she's just so rad. I mean, that's those are some of the things she does. But the reason I had her on is because since I've connected with her through the internet, through the website, make love not porn. I met her I saw her one of her videos on there. And then I found her on social media and just we started chatting and I just was like, I can immediately tell this is someone who I am interested in and who I'd like to have more conversations with and we covered so many topics in this we everything from what you'd expect around what is it like to be a sex worker and those kind of things but then very quickly going into how Shadow Work and how being a porn star and someone who works in that industry has helped her to do some of her shadow work and learn about boundaries and about consent and all these kind of things. And she's studying to be a yoga doula, which is someone who does yoga but also helps women go through their births. She is into beautiful spirituality, the way she talks about her spirituality, her connection to God and Just so many things, we cover a lot, a lot of things in this and even briefly touch on how gut health is connected to, to overall health and well being our man is I can't even go into how many epic things we chat about. But I really, really recommend and enjoy and I'm so grateful for this episode with Lily Lobo. What I was saying before about changing my name will not change. My name is Nathan Nathan literally just means gift. And I've been thinking so much about how that actually kind of what I'm here to do is just to gift you, the listener, the listeners that people out there in the world through my music through my storeys through how I show up. And connect is just to gift you and the world of myself with just truth speaking and just showing up and sharing whatever feels important and real to share. And I kind of just love that. It's nothing against my name Nate. I love the name Nate. My sister was the first person to call me that and then when I started playing music professionally, I kind of hopped on a Nate main guard and main guard is my surname and I You know, that's all my links. It's all my branding. It's everything. So if I was going to relaunch as Nathan, that would be quite a big deal. But I don't know, I just I maybe I'll just start calling myself Nathan. And you can call me Nathan, if you feel like it. Otherwise, whatever, Nate is fine as well. As always, lots of lots of the things we chatted about I if I could find it, I put it in a link in the show notes at naked with nate.com I suppose that actually even changed the name of this podcast if I changed. Well, it's really rebranded back to Nathan, man anyway, I also redesigned my cover the podcast cover to be a photo of me now rather than me in 2013, which is what the cover has been up to this point. Lots of changes, lots of good things. Overall, things are good in my life. If you if you know me, then you know that depression has been a part of my life for some years, still a part of my life, and this year has been one of the best I've had in a really long time. I've been doing a lot of therapy, a lot of psychedelic assisted therapy, which I also talked about in other podcast episodes, and you can find links to that in the show notes and Yeah but it's all it's I just feel like my base level of humaneness of kind of showing up has been just I've just more they're more here more present not as wanting to check out as much even though I still have my daily patterns that are harmful in terms of like social media use and things like that. But overall it's just fantastic and yeah, working on releasing my album a little bit behind on that so slight stress there, but also just stoked that I'm doing it and getting to create and share and so it's all wonderful.
Nate Maingard 4:31
Thank you to anyone who is reviewing and sharing and please do leave me voice notes. I will share a little voice note at the end of this episode after my chat with Lily lebow which is from Charles. So thank you for that one. Charles. You can always go to naked with nate.com and you'll see there's a little say hello, menu item, you can click that leave me a voice note or a message whatever you like, leave a review. And the final piece before we get into this episode is to just invite you to join the community. If you love this This if you get value out of it, I would love to. For this to continue just being a purely community supported podcast, I am looking for sponsors at the moment. And I'm hoping I can find really good, responsible epic ones that align with what we're doing here. And the the only source of funding right now is by Patreon so if you feel the vibe go to naked with nate.com Click the become a patron button, you do get extended video versions of episodes. So for example, this one with Lily if you want to see a video and edited video version that's kind of quite a bit longer. And you can see the two of us interacting. I personally think it's super fun. I prefer audio just because then I'm driving I can listen to podcasts, it's easier but I know a lot of people prefer to be able to see something which I totally get. So you can find that on the Patreon naked as nate.com and click that become a patron at Patreon link. And that's it I so appreciate you being here. It is a gift I'm honoured. It is a gift. My name is Nathan it is a gift. I am a gift. You're a gift gifts for one another. And yeah, please enjoy the wonderful Lily the bow. Thank you so much for coming on my podcast livid about
Lily LaBeau 6:10
Hey, thanks for having me.
Nate Maingard 6:12
And actually do I say Lily Labeau, Lily Labeau, Lily bow?
Lily LaBeau 6:17
Yeah, like I realised after being in the industry for a little while that my name was just so terrible for people because hard to spell, it's hard to pronounce. And I had one fan Actually, I was in my car. And he saw me He's like, Oh, my God was like, Oh, no. Yeah,
Nate Maingard 6:46
so what is the technically correct way to say it?
Lily LaBeau 6:49
Yeah, like a bow like a bow.
Nate Maingard 6:53
Yeah, there we go. Yeah.
Lily LaBeau 6:56
Yeah, it's actually grammatically incorrect because it has the feminine at the beginning, la bo bo is masculine. But that happened because an agent tried to steal my domain name and Willie lobo.com. So I was told Oh, yeah, just change one letter and didn't get it back. But then that one is still into I'm just gonna keep it Yeah. If you go to Lily Lobo either spelling.com I don't own it spammed by somebody making money and they have been in years.
Nate Maingard 7:31
I'm offended that that's just disgraceful.
Lily LaBeau 7:36
Yeah, yeah. But I like it. You know? It's like, I'm like, masculine and feminine. Very much. me so La beau. Oh, nice.
Nate Maingard 7:47
Well, actually, so I thought one of the things that really drew me to you in the first place after finding you on on make love not porn, was then watching, just seeing you on social media and specifically on Twitter. I think mainly And it was immediately clear that you are such a real down to earth, like humanly human. And that's always what draws me to people. Overall is when someone is showing up however that looks and so I guess I'm curious to know how does your sexuality mix in with your kind of I don't know if I'd call it spirituality but your sense of self exploration because you seem to be someone exploring yourself.
Lily LaBeau 8:26
Yeah, I definitely am. Thank you for noticing. Thank you for noticing that because I do want to be and show up as an authentic person. And I've always wanted that before porn ever since I can remember and yeah, porn. Porn really made me have to face that, you know, how can I be authentic when I'm like filming these, the themes that I don't really have much control over and And it was it's a beautiful process that I've been through, you know, from 18 years old until now and trying to Yeah, everything I am even if I'm playing a character, it's still need though I still want to, I want to be myself I want to find, you know, go to those places, but those places are in me. You know, I don't go anywhere that I don't want to go. Especially or my there. Yeah, so um it's still it's still a process though because you're still a brand you're still kind of trying to play the game of life of appearing as something that somebody wants to follow, you know, and right. And then there's Yeah, the whole responsibility of Oh, now I'm someone someone wants to follow. I have to be better and be you know, use this for something something good and yeah, yeah, it's a process and 10 years and I I feel like I'm just just figuring out how this stuff works, you know? Nice.
Nate Maingard 10:07
Yeah. What do they say? The the 10,000 hours rule like, the more we focus on something, the better we get at mastery. And actually, I find this interesting. This reminds me one of the earlier conversations we had around, I think I asked you, what was it it was like, how has your relationship with partners been or with your sort of the the person behind the brand or the mask that is really low bar, and we're all walking around with masks? I have so many, like we're all masked, whether we're playing or not, whether we're porn stars or not like it's anyway, I don't know if many people realise that, but it's all it's all roles were playing. And so I was curious to know, how has it impacted your, your experience of maybe dating or something and you said something quite interesting at the time, which maybe you can remind me the details, but it was about how people's expectations of you when they know what your job is and then you go on a date. And then you're you're now the person who's going on a date. You're not the brand or the person doing your job. You're there meeting another person. How has that experience been for you? in various ways?
Lily LaBeau 11:10
Yeah. So basically the question is like how dating while being a porn star?
Nate Maingard 11:14
I guess so, you should I think you should write all my questions because I tend to make things so long winded. But yes, in short, yes.
Lily LaBeau 11:25
Yes, dating well, being a point started. Challenge, a learning experience. You know, being in the porn industry is kind of like a crash course with a lot of life lessons. And that's included outside of the actual filming. I do think people have this. This idea of the porn star, you know, oh, she's like this on film. She must want sex all the time. And she must. I'm not going to be able to satisfy her. My fix, not being Enough, you know, there's all these things that the mind will tell a person, and they're not really true. And so I'm kind of stuck there trying to be like, Hey, I'm a real person, hey, I'm still trying to figure out if if I even want to have sex with you, if I want to have another date with you, you know, like, calm down. It's like, you know, so it's also beautiful because by showing up as myself, I'm also kind of fighting these stereotypes and illusions that people have and I still being authentic in these dating scenarios and real life situation. It is doing some good I think it is kind of helping the bigger cause which is like to humanise sex workers, porn stars, you know, we have a really cool job but we're also human.
Nate Maingard 12:56
Yeah, I find this such an interesting thing around that. That it's what do they say the all the world's oldest profession is sex work, basically. And so why is it still one of the absolute most stigmatised? Like why do people have this? Like treat on one side? It's it's the one of the biggest industries in the world right now, just from a financial perspective, like how much those site up and etc, how much those sites are making. And then on the other side, it's like, if you're a sex worker, it's oh my gosh, Who is that? Who would do something like that? What kind of none. So I agree for me like humanising not just sex work, but the work of being human because we're all showing up as best we can. And in the West, somehow, we have separated sexuality from goodness or pureness or to you know, whatever like saintliness when an actual fact sexuality. I mean, the example I come back to again and again is is the beautiful clitoris, which is the only part of any humans body. That's only purpose. It has no What's another purpose other than pleasure then pure just like fuck, yeah. And if God if someone is maybe super religious and they go, Well, God made us perfect and I'm like, Well, God clearly loved sex. Just throwing it out there
Lily LaBeau 14:15
perfect. That's right and I believe in God I don't believe in this specific Christian God that I mean look around. I was raised Christian and yeah, I still have that sense of wonder of the universe. That's what God was to me that and it's still that, you know, like, yeah, our bodies are designed for pleasure, cuddles, kisses, you know, even gazing, just energy like, we're designed for that. But we are faced with a lot of shit. A lot of trauma, a lot of guilt from our ancestors even not even from us. It's like, you know, look at your history and I can tell you like a lot about Why you are the way you are because it's your to your ancestors. It's you, you know, and I think people carry a lot of like heavy baggage, and it's projected onto others in shaming others and dominating others and yeah, it's, it's, it's too bad because we all have the voice for pleasure into love. And I think that's like a big revolution that's happening right now is people are starting to heal, things are coming up, you know, this, this is happening in the end the kind of person I always want things to happen faster. You know, it's not fast enough, but like it is it's happening and healing takes time because things come up and then it's like, process process and you're like, Oh my god, you know, it's physically draining. It's emotionally draining. It's Lock the deal. So if it's all at once, it's like it's too much, but it's happening and you can see it and then we're at a very critical time right now it's exciting kind of so scary.
Nate Maingard 16:14
So with you in that, that's beautifully said I really I feel like I made that mistake a light when I was like sort of maybe mid 20s around healing I thought, a sec Okay, I realised I've got shit that needs to be worked on. I got I got trauma. I got stuff I've been I've been acting out for me Actually, my sexuality was one of the ways I hid from my trauma. I was a, I was a player in my sort of late teens and up until my mid 20s. And I really, I used sex and sexuality as a way to kind of hide from my discomfort. And it didn't work in it and I unfortunately emotionally hurt a lot of people and I hurt myself and and so that was like this big awakening but then I was like, Okay, now I'm not just going to heal and then I can have the rest of my life to enjoy being healed. So I did I think it was like this frog medicine combo iOS curve a passionate climbed Kilimanjaro all within I think six months and then oh wow I can just put like it was just horrific I just I opened up so many I just didn't do any more of that work for for quite a long time afterwards because it was just too much all at once and I realised there and exactly what you've just said, which is it takes time. It's okay that it takes home little steps. And I the question I have for you around that is Do you have any work like around that work? Because it sounds like you're really self aware? Do you have any daily practices or do you have any sort of medicine work you go and do or is there anything specific that you find is working for you in that way?
Lily LaBeau 17:42
Yeah. I'm super excited about this programme the school that I'm taking yoga doula and prenatal postnatal yoga teacher but also a woman's companion during birth after birth. Kind of like just her support your her health or caretaker when she's in this very vulnerable position, and it's nine months long, and it's based off Kundalini Yoga. And, wow. I'm so glad I found Kundalini Yoga, because it's, it's like a soul medicine, like a physical practice of yoga, but in very specific ways. And sometimes you don't even do both sides. Sometimes it's a very specific Korea. And, yeah, this class, it's nine months long, and we do one weekend every month and we have some months off. And every single time it is healing transformative process, and we do meditations we do. Yoga, we learn about a woman, the feminine, the divinity of us of giving life, you know, and that has, I can't tell you like how many times I've cried in that class, you know, because it's So beautiful the feeling of being supported by women. Because as a porn star, you know, it's like women are scary because they're like, I want to love you, but I'm scared. You're gonna hate me from the beginning because I'm a porn star. And that's not usually the case. But it's the fear. And so yeah, having this having this class and doing Kundalini Yoga, my own that that has been the best medicine I've found so far in my life. Wow. And yeah, I'm so excited to continue with it. That's beautiful. I'm not finished yet. Yeah, I finished in February. So
Nate Maingard 19:37
cool. Actually, that reminds me You're also an Aquarian. I was checking out your website before this call just to see if there's anything specific I wanted to check in about but I see that we're both experience, which is love. Yeah. Sure. So that with my jar of water
Lily LaBeau 19:55
Nate Maingard 19:57
Nice as well. Very nice. My gosh, Lily, I think you're just such a wonderful human, I really love that you can show up so gently and clearly and honestly, when there are so many people in the world who are hiding from themselves because of shame and because of doubt and fear, and I know that you're as human as or as we're all human together. And this again, I said this to I just recorded a podcast with this lovely lady Kate McGill yesterday and just saying thank you to her and thank you to you. Because really, we are the people who are just showing up and acknowledging that we don't have the answers, and we don't know what the fuck the right thing to do is. And it's like, here we are, being as real as we can and trusting that that's what the world needs. And so just I don't know, just I could have said that at the end, but it just felt I just really appreciate you just said.
Lily LaBeau 20:47
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, yeah,
Nate Maingard 20:51
Lily LaBeau 20:52
I was gonna say thanks for giving me the space, the safe space to express myself.
Nate Maingard 20:57
So it's a privilege. Thank you. There's something I did find on your on your gallery I was actually trying to download the on the front page you've got a beautiful photo of you and like very colourful kind of stuff and it's I just love that photo. But you've somehow managed to stop me from right clicking and downloading photos, which makes sense because I suppose then people would do that all the time. But, but then I went into a gallery and I saw this very interesting it looks almost like a poster. And I wanted to find out from you. Is this an actual some kind of work? Or is this a I mean, as in like, Shadow Work, or is it just a porn film? You made a site it's called Shadow Work with an EWERK. Turns out facing your demons can also be a lucrative career option. lead vocalist explains how, what the hell is that about? That sounds great.
Lily LaBeau 21:41
Okay, cool. Thanks for noticing because that was actually the favourite poster that I did. I was doing a few for promotion for Halloween trying to kind of get into the darker energy. And I thought that was so funny, but it didn't get the most likes. I was like, But yes because in sex work a lot of times we felt like of UERK working work and I thought oh yeah like it's so funny because porn has been this like facing of demons it's been confronting my people pleasing skills my need to be perfect so many things my my relationship around men around sexuality and I'm so thankful for it because yeah like I said it's a crash course for all that stuff and so it's kind of a joke that like, you know through the videos that I make through the videos I film for other people I'm kind of doing some soul work I'm learning things about myself and yeah so I I thought it was funny because Shadow Work is also term for yeah going deep inside and and kind of bringing those shadows to the surface and porn has done that I Other things as well, but yeah,
Nate Maingard 23:02
yeah, it's, I love that because that's so much a part of my awareness about life and reality. And it seems that in our modern culture, we've, we've created a society that's all about sort of quick fix and comfort and gratification instant gratification. And there's not enough of that acknowledgement of the shadow, which is all the stuff that we hide from or run from. And it's the stuff that also has the greatest gifts for us. And so when I saw that, and I just, I was like, What is this? I was kind of hoping it was like some kind of a porn movie that you made, because it would just be such an interesting one too. Although actually now that I think about that don't know how you would do that in a way that it would. I actually have no idea but I just love the posters. I can look so hardcore and I loved what the turns out facing your demons can be a lucrative career option. I was like, Damn, that sounds so interesting. Very cool. Very cool. Actually, I wanted to I wanted to play so I thought if you're open to it, I have a song called in the show. Those which I just thought, I don't know if you've heard it, but it's, it's really about that. So it's about turning around and facing facing the demons basically. And I spent a lot of my youth running from place to place and person to person thinking every time I must be the place or the person, that's the problem. Instead of going, why is it the same stuff happening over and over again, in these different places with different people realising it's in me, it's my demons. And so, yeah, that's simple. So I thought we could listen to that song now and then, and then yeah, just carry on and see what happens next.
Lily LaBeau 24:35
Nate Maingard 24:41
It's hard to open up my eyes when I feel like I've been blind. My days now I'm wandering throught the haze and the world it looks so crazy. Maybe that's just me. Maybe it's just me. We all find our secrets patient in the shadows right though where we left them waiting and no matter how far we run, they run right beside us our demons know our names better than anyone. See me in this Construct beating at the locked up door and gripped tight deep within my fist is the key to all I've missed that the pain is just the teacher and the cage is just a myth.
Nate Maingard 26:00
We all find our secrets patient in the shadows right there where, we left them waiting no matter how far we run they run right beside us our demons know our names better than anyone
Nate Maingard 26:19
I spent oh so many hours building up and giving power to The worst I can imagine lives in me. And now oh To my surprise when the ghost as me disguised is the best at Breaking Everything everything everything I see
Nate Maingard 27:01
you presume you can stay dry by dodging all The rain drops falling thick. Try lifting up your tongue to the rain not just the sun. Nothing quite so simple was ever so much fun.
Nate Maingard 27:25
We all find our secrets patient in the shadows right there where we let them waiting no matter how far we run, they run right beside us our demons know our names. We all find our secrets patient in the shadows, right there where, we left them waiting no matter how far we run they run right beside us our demons know our Names better than anyone.
Nate Maingard 28:25
So I have some questions that some people have asked on the old Twitter because I so wonderfully disorganised that I only posted about this just a few minutes before we started. But I have, I think some of the questions that I'm sure you've been asked many times one of them is what does the family think about their previous profession? It was Mike who asked that.
Lily LaBeau 28:46
Yeah, that's a pretty common one. And you know, it varies from person to person. It's hard to say like, I get to have like one of those families that are like super similar, they agree they're tight, you know, but really, it's been a family member my family member thing for me and you know, I had some family come to a VN, which is the porn awards in Vegas way a few family members so that's like really precious to me they didn't you know, it was totally fun and I was so glad they're there there's a the feeling of like, it's okay like it's okay it's okay it's okay to go look at all the booths and see all the girls and and all the guys you know at the cameras and it's a fun experience and and it shows like what a madhouse the industry can also be. And I like that they see that and so, you know, obviously there's some family that's like, totally not okay with it. And, you know, it's also something I guess, they have to work through because you know, I'm here. I want And be in the family I want to show up but I'm not gonna shove two places that I'm feeling really judged and not welcome in some sense. And so that's that's been a big one to learn. It's like even though it's family, some people are just going through something they're not quite okay with it. It's bringing up a lot of trauma in them. And yeah, I wish I could help them through that, but I can't always and then I go with the ones that love me and make me feel warm and welcome. And overall, everyone's really supportive. Just to me, the porn that they support, they support my happiness. You know, so that's I'm lucky for that. Really.
Nate Maingard 30:47
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I get that that's awesome. Yeah, actually so my cuz I upload videos to make love not porn. And I told I think just about everyone, my definitely my parents. And I mean, in my case, people have been asked like, Oh, so you make porn and and i know technically might be defined as porn but I've never thought of make love not porn as point it just doesn't feel like that to me. And so I've never particularly wanted to make porn. My my, my personal history and experience with what I define as pornography has been pretty negative overall, from a from a young age when getting like sort of educated will miss educated by that because it's performance and that's fine. But there's not enough differentiation or education about what that difference is and why it's important to know about it. And I think it's actually unfortunately supported by even Hollywood or just mainstream media, where portrays women as these sort of sexual beings and men as these sort of pneumatic pleasuring machines who will bring these women that you know, in a Hollywood scene it'll cut from they'll have like kiss and the next thing they'll be making love in bed together and that's and peanut penetrative having sex and it's like that. The there's none of the weight but there's like a whole process that can happen beforehand that's all the stuff all the thing all the Curiosity the question the fumbling all those things anyway so so i don't know i think that it's good to differentiate and as make love not porn says pro porn pro sex pro knowing the difference I think they said best actually Yeah, yeah. And how do you feel during the I love Cindy I'm actually she's gonna come on this podcast at some point she said she was keen so I'm very excited. How has your experience been? Because you've shared on makeup on and that was with a one more part I can't remember it was was what at least one person, one partner at the time. And then obviously your job is sex and videos and webcam and all that stuff. So how did you find that experience of make love not porn versus your mainstream job? And then yeah, just how does that feel?
Lily LaBeau 32:54
Yes, so I had two separate partners. I've done a few videos and I'm I love the idea I love the whole concept on make love not porn, the real world sex, the fact that you know, people can actually see the full experience, the range of sexuality, you know, like, I love that she's like, Yeah, do whatever you want have lazy sex have crazy sex, you know, just make it real. And yeah, the first first few videos I did was with a partner I had, who was also a performer. And it was kind of fun for us because he he's really good with video. So he set up this little, you know, camera phone, on the bed stand. Something on the ceiling, kind of looking down, and then we didn't have to worry about anything. We just got to have fun. And yeah, I mean, we still are always going to kind of think in the sense of like, what's going to sell, you know, I know that I'm being honest. Yeah, but at the same time, we get that So the videos were like, let's make a really sexy video. Like, I won't give it away, but it's very the first one we did was very naughty. And we liked that because it was something that we didn't do on camera, but we did in our personal lives. And so we're like, yeah, we'll share this on on this site and people love it. Yeah, yeah. I love I love make love not porn, and I always tell people about it. And I haven't uploaded for a while but I'm, I'm getting there. Nice. I'll be back.
Nate Maingard 34:37
Nate Maingard 34:38
yeah, it's a it's an interesting one for me because I found I realised a little more of my maybe what's the word? Not voyeuristic. The other way? The exhibitionist side where I love the idea that people are watching and in fact, I hope that they can. I know they want to introduce commenting on to the system, but I I really love the idea of being able to get direct feedback from people just because it's like in New York what I was thinking now is like what was I thinking it was how I've watched some of your one of your videos on make love not one Amanda even have been that one. And it's like it's it's such a relief to be able to share sexuality as well as just our everyday human lives. And to normalise it in such a way that it's okay that I've watched a video of yours and we can still be two humans together having ordinary conversations about spirituality or Shadow Work or whatever else we're going through in our lives. And that that sexuality is just another part of that storey of being human I just so grateful for that. So how do you feel about that? If someone do you have any like actual sort of friends or I mean, I know you've got a lot of people in the industry so that makes sense. But do you have people who give you is it I watched that video and I love this thing about it. I love that or and how does that feel?
Lily LaBeau 35:58
I guess around porn People are a little more apprehensive to say that they've seen one of my videos. So, no, I can't say that I have that. But I think you know, being able to normally talking about sex with friends and and if this were to happen in the future, you know for me when somebody asked me like, Oh, do you mind if I watch one of your videos? My feelings are always like, I don't mind. Are you going to mind? Are you going to start feeling weird when you see me? Are you going to get awkward and anxious thinking like that? You know, it's like, that's my only fear when people ask about that because I'm like, it's up to you. And if I had a problem with people seeing this, I wouldn't have done it. And I don't because no way I'm like, you know, also have that pride and ego round it. I'm proud of the stuff that I've done.
Lily LaBeau 36:59
Most of it anyway
Lily LaBeau 37:06
there's some things I hope just stay buried forever
Lily LaBeau 37:10
back in the career, you know, at the beginning, hairstyles and growing up yeah on camera.
Lily LaBeau 37:19
But yeah, I like I like being able I like my industry friends because yes, we can talk about buttholes and health, relationships and all around with this like not being afraid to say like the elephant the room which is like sex, you know, how important important it is and how different we all are around it and. Yeah, and the porn industry, it's like, some people do this. Some people do this. Some people do this. You know, and there are some things you don't have to do. If you don't want to and nobody's for the most part. Nobody's going to judge you. They understand like, Oh, that's interesting. Oh, why did you do that? Why did you decide to take three guys that One time and in the ass, you know, it's like, it's fun because we can say these things very I'm like, I'm not sure if I can share this on here, but he can edit. Okay? But like having that freedom.
Lily LaBeau 38:15
There's nothing like it. And I want everyone to have that freedom to Yeah, it's just normal to talk about these things. And yeah, the feeling is incredible. So
Nate Maingard 38:27
yeah, I feel I feel like the the position you're holding within our society right now. And I mean, you specifically Not you, I mean you specifically Yes, as a sex worker, but specifically you the way that you're approaching and the way I hear you talking now, think is such an important role. And I actually saw on your website, you said you want to be a sex educator. And I think that that is all tied in because I there's a beautiful book called The Tao of health, sex and longevity by a guy named Daniel read, and it's based on the Taoist principles, and in the east, there was none of this westernised Shame around sexuality sermons so we had several thousand years of sex as a sin it's only for reproduction you should feel terrible about it all of those things in the in the East they had sex is epic it's the most incredible thing let's research it let's go deep into this workout how we can make it the most incredible thing possible and use their sexual energy for healing for growth for connection for all these kinds of things. And and I love the one line he says were like there was one old text that said a man should go into the bedroom with a with his velvet sort of tool kit ready to roll out with all the different tools and toys ready ready for the for pleasuring because the the basic one of the basic simple difference differences between the male and the female is that a man is like a fire. You can lie to him and he will burn quickly but he burns his fuel fast if he's not careful. Whereas a woman is like water, she might take time to get hot, and she needs to take off and needs to take time to get hot. But once she's hot, she boils for a long time. Time and can can and so there's this to acknowledge that is super important anyway, so I just thought of that in terms of like bringing that back into the west of let's just fucking talk about it. Let's talk about assholes. Let's talk about double penetration. Let's talk about toys and sex and kinks and let's fucking talk about it, please.
Lily LaBeau 40:20
Yeah, and talk about our insecurities as well the Shadow Work again, it's like, it's okay to say like, I'm not as good as this as I want to be. I feel insecure in this area. It's okay to acknowledge that and then say, okay, I've acknowledged it and then build from there, you know, it's like, yeah, we all have the ability to be these sexual masters. You know, we do everybody, everybody, you know, so, yeah, I would imagine that world you know, Mike, everybody's actually fulfilled everybody's feeling Good confident inside that got laid the night before or they pleasure themselves and so they're feeling great. Because you know, yeah, it's not even just always about other pleasure pleasure with others, like self pleasure is really the foundation they think of our own sexuality, how we touch and love ourselves first, you know that's a huge one for me. That's been, you know, I give so much on camera give so much on my clips, but then sometimes it's like, okay, but when have I taken time to just touch myself? No loving sensual may be sexual maybe but doesn't matter. It's kind of just like really acknowledging my body and myself and, and, and not even going all the way to orgasm if I don't want to. But if I want to, you know, why not? Yeah, I think like, I think that's where a lot of us can start because we're trying to depend on others for fulfilling our needs when we can fulfil our own to begin with, and learn about ourselves like you're saying learn about the fire, learn about the water, learn about how our bodies respond to different things. And and then yeah open up to like more pleasure more connectedness with partners and confidence because yeah, you kind of discovered your energy your body
Lily LaBeau 42:28
Sorry, I went on a tangent there.
Nate Maingard 42:29
No, that was a bloody beautiful tangent I'm all for it. I so agree. I mean, I, I, I think it just so many things that came up. I don't even know where to go. But it's good. That was beautiful. That was poetry. Thank you. I agree. Yeah, I think one of the things talked about, like you said, talking about insecurities. That was that was a huge turning point for me in my life. That literally that was from a young person watching porn and just chatting with my friends and not not having really having little bits of positive Influence like my dad really tried he when I was about 13 driving home from school one day, he's like, so have you? Are you masturbating? I was like, Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. And but he was really trying and he gave me a book on sexuality on sacred sexuality with all these exercises and things and I paid no attention to it because I was so indoctrinated by by the culture that we live in already. And so I spent those first sort of six or seven years of exploring sexuality so fucking awkward and fumbling and not talking about it just having these shameful experiences that I felt so terrible about like the first time I had sex is to come in like 15 seconds if that 10 seconds like it was just three strokes and I was done. And I just felt this huge like, that's not how it's supposed to be. I'm, what's wrong with me. All of these things. I actually lost a friend because of that, because it was with a someone who at the time was like my best friend and we just happened to go to that place and it was my first time and it was just so embarrassing that I literally lost the person I really cared about and probably caused it will definitely caused emotional trauma for her as well. And just these, like fuck, and it wasn't like I was trying to be a bad person, I was just it was carrying so much shame. And that turning point, realising that that decision I made of like, I am going to just tell people how I feel when I feel it, and that changed everything immediately. Like, oh, I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable right now I feel it. Does that feel okay? Or can we just slow down or I don't know if I'm going to get hard right now or whatever, all the things so thank you for saying that because I think that I hope that everyone hearing that can can use that and value it somewhere in their own lives speak the truth no matter what. Gently and kindly for yourself and others. That's good or even on make love not porn. They have the the one like, hashtag soft serve, which is sex when when a man isn't hard or like sexual interaction when a man is an odd because I was like, Oh, that's so nice that they include that as an option. And it's like, that's great.
Lily LaBeau 44:54
I didn't realise actually and I think that's amazing also.
Nate Maingard 44:58
Oh, I was gonna say if you are thinking of more make love not porn videos I personally would love to obviously see but just think it would be really rad self pleasuring if you ever wanted to share that connecting to self process I feel like that would be hugely about it is hugely valuable I've seen some really beautiful self love videos on make love not porn and I something I want to take more time for with myself and Yeah, definitely. So thank you for that. So we have some more questions. Here we have Jess asking what profession would you be doing if you weren't doing what you currently are?
Lily LaBeau 45:33
Sit down here we go.
Lily LaBeau 45:37
I am constantly curious about life. I've dabbled in a few different things outside of porn. I love nutrition I love for a minute I wanted to have a juicing business juicing cake for you know six months and photography Dance singing, like God, I want to do more travelling film it have read a travel book or have a travel show. God What do I not want to do? That's the problem. And to be honest porn allows me that sex work. The money I make in the short time that I make allows me to have these other hobbies, aka dream possible future careers. Who knows, you know? The funny thing is, that's, that's all also the problem. It's because it's like, Okay, well pick one, you know, and like, I can't pick one like there's too many Life is too short. I want to do everything I want to learn all the languages and, and live in all the places for a year and yeah, just
Lily LaBeau 46:57
I don't even know
Nate Maingard 46:59
Sounds like a lot of wonderful options. I can see the mind is now spinning or like Oh, how many jobs can I fit into one life? So I have another question which I feel like you kind of touched on earlier and we could go a little deeper as well. It's an airy asked is Do you believe in God?
Lily LaBeau 47:18
Oh, yeah, we could kind of touch on that. And my theory is that all the religions, all the practices, most of them are just phone lines to the same same persons house you know, we're all calling up to this God. And we're all using a different phone line, but like, then the day we're all calling the same thing. And I think sometimes it's been a bit warped but like the feeling of God is is love it's this oneness is this forgiveness. It's I mean,
Lily LaBeau 47:54
how can you not feel God?
Lily LaBeau 47:58
Ah, oh yeah. Yeah, I do.
Nate Maingard 48:01
I love that. Did you? Did you just make the phone line? Where'd you get that phone line thing? One because I think that's one of the loveliest descriptions I've heard.
Lily LaBeau 48:09
I always use that as my, you know, metaphor because that's how it seems
Nate Maingard 48:14
I fully agree 100% just different names for the same thing. And then people go and they fight wars and kill each other. If because you don't say the name that I call it. I don't understand.
Lily LaBeau 48:26
Yeah, with a small little detail differences over time that have been developed. Yeah. Crazy lately. And also, I'm trying to, to stop thinking of just god but God death. And, you know, because there's also like the divine masculine and the divine feminine. And the Yeah, it's something I'm exploring more. Feeling tapping into praying to, I always would prey to this kind of masculine God. And for the past few years, I've been introduced to More of the Divine Mother the Divine Feminine figures, you know, just most basic is the Virgin Mary, and so many others. And so yeah, that's, that's kind of fun too, because yeah, you can use different telephone lines. And maybe they work better with you, you know, you relate more to the Virgin Mary then then to Buddha. And that's a case of kind of like finding, finding what resonates what is, you know, more real in your in your heart. So
Nate Maingard 49:36
I love that there's a there's a beautiful story I heard on a podcast recently, I think it might have been, it was Krista Tippett. And if you if anyone hasn't listened to her podcast, I do so recommend someone with such a heart and such an incredible capacity for compassion and empathy. And she was chatting with a friend of hers who's a rabbi and so a Jewish priest for those who don't know what a rabbi is. Maybe anyway, maybe that's pointless to say but and he just was so cool. And he he was talking about God. And he said, I'm going to tell you a storey this debate two main storeys that were two ways that people can know that we can think about God. And he's like, neither of these are accurate, because you can't, it's a metaphor. So don't get too hooked up on it, don't worry about it, it's okay. And he said, the one and this is the one that we all mainly that this society the western religions mainly ascribe to is that there's a big circle, huge, you know, big circle. And then beneath that is a tiny, tiny little circle. And that big circle is God and your little circle, and God is up there, and you're down here. And that's how it is, you know, and he said, and that's the one that a lot of people are, are believing in and choosing to go with. And he said then there's another one, which is the same idea. There's a big circle. big circles, basically infinite is a big circle and inside of that big circle is a tiny little circle. And that tiny little circle inside of that title circles you and what happens when you rub the line out around that little circle. What happen Friends to the little you just becomes one again with God, which is an eye and to me that's the that's the one that I've always felt more drawn to. And also through recent sort of mystical experiences with breath work and psychedelic therapy, have been their hand felt that in a way that is beyond the mind that is more than the mind can hold. So when I hear you talking and saying different phone lines to the same house, that's just another beautiful metaphor for that same. The circle is that we are within the circle that is everything and so okay.
Lily LaBeau 51:34
Yeah, yeah. They talk a little bit about that and Kundalini, what's this? Yogi by john you giving a talk and he said that we come from the divine, we are the divine, we are God. And we've come in this life thinking that we're separate. And so that's why these feelings of the void the hole that we're all filling with different things. It's the storey Feeling that we're separate that we don't have God that we are, we are of God we come from it, you know, we're in the circle. So I just have to realise that and like yeah, like you said, some adopt a little line that's helping it's revealing that and, and embrace it.
Nate Maingard 52:18
Awww, thank thanks Lily. I love how much of this conversation has been about divinity and God and sacredness because that's actually what I'm trying to remind us all of is that it's none of its separate that sexuality and porn and all the whole experience of being human is the whole experience there's actually nothing that's separate out of it.
Lily LaBeau 52:41
Nate Maingard 52:44
That's why I like you so much, because I know that you you kind of that you got that like we can have that conversation and I feel like you understand that I I must say one of the things that I'm struggling with to like feel okay about in the world right now is how many people I'm seeing who are changing their bodies to to try to be more of something that they think they should be and and this is not a judgement on people who are choosing to do that I just don't understand it so for example the prevalence of plastic surgery and and things like Botox and when I see someone who's like clearly got huge amounts of Botox and is coated in so many layers of makeup, and as and same with men I'm a super hairy man like I am super super hairy and I love it and I've never shaved my body and yet I've seen men who are less hairy than me who clearly they got like stubble on their bodies because they're shaving it's those kind of things and I again I'm not judging but I don't get it because it's okay to be whatever you are thin lip, small breasted hairy everywhere, all of those things and, and it's also okay to choose different and I don't know if people know why they're choosing that they will have a reason of like, oh, it just makes me feel beautiful. But then Go deeper into that. I mean, do you see it? You must see a lot of that in the porn industry, right? Because it's so physically oriented.
Lily LaBeau 54:06
Yeah, this is something I've kind of dealt with as well because as someone who's been on camera since I was 18, I've seen myself age. Also over the past 10 years. I've seen my on camera, that's good transition, and it's kind of weird. So you do think like, oh, maybe, maybe I tried Botox. I did it one time. And I was going to try it. I did it and I paid $400 which was like, pretty cheap. And got it all over these, you know, and I was like, and yeah, took like, a few weeks. Everything froze up. It was funny. I was like, look at my, my mad at you, you know, and then I loved it, though. I did. I loved it cuz I'm a thinker. I'm like, you know, and I'm thinking hard. So I always feel a bit concerned that people think I'm mad. And so I loved it. I love that I knew that. I wasn't looking for Angry in that sense, but then yet sort of like why do I Why am I so scared of that? Why do I feel the need to sue the other people at the cost of myself? Is this sustainable? Because there's only like a few week window that you're actually frozen, you know? Then it starts to wear off, then you have to do it again. And so it's like just every two, three months, you're spending hundreds of dollars and and then where does it end? Yeah, those the fillers and the cheeks, you start that now it's like, I'm all about, like everyone living their path. So I also don't want to pass judgement. But in my own personal reason why I haven't continued even though I've thought about it. Where does it end? You know, and how is that sustainable? And, and actually, what I was thinking recently, as I learned about Kundalini Yoga and the whole practice, I'm not sure what to call it. The actual name of the the whole thing, not just the yoga but the whole ideology, is it. Kundalini is the Yeah, I think they talk about the can pen light bodies of consciousness. We have each of us like 10 light body is like, almost like chakras but of energy. And the fifth light body is the physical body. And so symptoms of that being out of balance is Yeah, kind of putting so much focus on the perfection of the body so much on this physical appearance. And so it's not good or bad. It just means it can be a bit out of balance, because Sure, do what you want be the perfect being that you feel you want to be. But also, you know, yeah, is this coming from a place of lack of fear of rejection, you know, it's like, sometimes Yeah, I wonder that to like, Like you think Marilyn Monroe, right? She, she got plastic surgery. And she's the biggest star female star, you know of the century. So, in the sense of like, yeah, look around, you see her face everywhere. And so in some sense, I can see why you know, these girls, they decided like, I want to be this perfect superhuman thing and in their mind, that's the ideal, you know, so, and they are really made to look at, you know, like sometimes, like, I look at them girls and like, Oh my god, she's so perfect. You know? I love looking at her face and her body. Yeah, it's a bit weird to sometimes it's like, Yeah, why? Why? I don't want to judge what it was 45 and I want my lips done in some big titties, you know, I don't know.
Nate Maingard 57:55
Exactly. It's I guess it's like this thing of would that Beauty shine through as much in a different way, and more sustainably if those same people had chosen to work deeply on themselves and do breath, work practice and really come into a deeper relationship with their physical body and their, their emotional state and I, because I've seen people who don't fit that mould that everyone's trying to put themselves into using these different tools that we've invented to, to, like, sculpt ourselves. And I've seen people who look, they just don't fit that mould and yet they're more beautiful than almost anyone I've ever seen. And I'm like, why are they so beautiful? And it's not if I just looked at them and when if I compare them directly to that idealised physical beauty will be okay, no, they're not there. But then if I connect to what is that, that light shining through? That is beautiful in a way that that is actually timeless and that no matter how old they get, because I think the question you've asked that When does it end? When does it stop? At some point, it's going to sag, it's going to wrinkle, it's going to fade, the breath will, eventually we will be in the ground, and not breathe like this. At what point do we let go? It's almost like that practice of coming to know the body as it is in each stage and then accepting it in each stage. That's the practice preparing us for the final letting go. And if we don't practice that, it's going to be much, much harder as as we invariably do. let gravity take us closer to the ground. And so that's the question. It's not again, it's not a judgement. And it is also a challenge for from my side to speak for myself, like it is a challenge and a question to people who are who are doing that. And I'd love anyone hearing this, who's like, Well, I have a lot of really valid answers and things to that I'm like, I'm fully available to hear and I'm, I'm not stuck in my idea of how things are on I'm just, we built a culture that is about perfection on the outside accumulation on the outside, get you know, let me build up this big name as a as Nate Nate main God the rock star musician and with my perfectly sculpted beard and I want to look like this amazing and maybe I'll such shaving my body so that I can be on magazine covers and and then I'll be then I will be successful and that's going to make me happy. It's like does that really work? Yeah. When does it end? I love that. That's a really good question. When does it end?
Lily LaBeau 1:00:24
And I mean yeah, like you're saying the shining from the inside like small little segue but I have food allergies. I am allergic to wheat and corn. And it's a nightmare because it's an everything and it affects everything like your gut, you know, people say like it's the second brain or maybe the first frame. So true. And when you're not in full health, it's hard to shine hard to be beautiful, feel like you're glowing, you know, it's it's easy to kind of get the quick fix, you know? Like, don't go to the gym just get that shit like, Whoa, do you know like, yeah. And I think that's, that's the that's the challenge. Also like for me because like I've been in this, you know, it's so easy at the beginning of my career Oh, I'm feeling fat, okay, I'm just not going to eat for a few days, or I'm going to eat very little or whatever you know and then obviously my moods would be crazy and I'm up I'm down I'm crying on and oh couldn't be from like starving myself you know, it's like yeah, yeah, it you're damaging your body. And if I look at some of these other girls and they are about fitness and they do take care of themselves, and there is this balance that we have to find between being human striving to be better, healthier, you know, more live inside taking care of ourselves, not eating cost songs when you're allergic to bread, in know, even though they're good and delicious,
Nate Maingard 1:01:58
Lily LaBeau 1:01:59
They mess me up, you know. everybody else is eating them. Why can't I you know, because I want to feel good and I don't want to be this this cloud of, you know, not taking care of myself and, and I think actually plastic surgery I think that's when a lot of times I feel like I need Botox is when I haven't been drinking water, I'm tired. I you know, I haven't slept enough. I look in the mirror and like I'm getting old and I feel it's fear of death and, and I think oh, maybe I should just get a little Botox maybe that'd be good. And you know, and so it's like, I think that's also a lot of what what fuels that anxiety around ageing is are we really all taking care of ourselves? Probably not. You know, like, if it's a balance, there's no that's another way to just feel like has to be perfect. It's like to eat perfect and do perfect like that. That requires balance also because it can't be perfect. But yeah striving for how more than like, a perfection and then you will be beautiful. You are beautiful, people, you know, you shine from the inside.
Nate Maingard 1:03:11
wellbeing is beautiful, I think is like being being well. And I acknowledge that we have somehow you know, there are the people who say this is like a conspiracy of that we're being made sick and it's an intentional thing. I don't know I can't go that far that sounds very complicated to me. But somehow it does seem we have built a society that is by default makes people ill that the way that we educate people, the way we feed people, the kind of transport systems the work system, the it's all unless we make great effort in the other direction we get very unwell just toeing the line and and that's sad. That's sad to me that it is hard. It's getting easier. It's like what you were saying earlier, it seems like we're in a very critical time where humans are going Hang on a second. We're here for we're here for more. We This is not what we came here to do. To be is to just these slaving, whatever, like on the wheel of accomplishment and achievement and status. There's something more than that that's more important and I think health has something to do with it because, as you say, the physical body and then through the physical we can experience everything else more clearly if if we're breathing, right and eating right and drinking, right, and doing that from a gentle, compassionate, self loving place. So it's like, oh, well, at ate a croissont, so fucking what. It's okay. I feel pain. And it's okay.
Lily LaBeau 1:04:33
Yeah. And also not to mention sex, sexuality. If you're not well, do you think you're gonna want to go have sex like me as a woman? If I'm eating like shit, I am not in the mood to be sexy. I don't feel like getting in lingerie. I'm bloated in the hallway. That ties into it. So if one on one hand, I'm like, I want to have a good sex life. I want to grow I want to be good. But on the other hand, I'm not taking myself and I'm just like feeling unwell and low libido. It's like, those don't match, you know? So that was a big thing for me. It's like,
Lily LaBeau 1:05:09
Am I self sabotaging my sex life because of some maybe some some fear and who knows whatever I'm generalising. But like,
Lily LaBeau 1:05:19
you know, what's more important, the moments of eating the company, the gratification, or this bigger picture of like this really full and rich and consistent sex life, because that's what happens. I kind of go on a crazy binge then I'm like, I'm tired, I'm depressed, and then I have to kind of detox all the crap. And then I feel better but it's like during that whole time I'm not wanting. I'm not feeling close connected, you know? So, yeah, it's huge. It's huge.
Nate Maingard 1:05:54
I would love for you to do like better sex through health and lifestyle choices like that. Like a book like an E book about that as I think that would be anyway, that'd be so fun because I, I so hear you. So one of my things around that claiming is ejaculation. I, I know that men generally get super tired after after cumming, I get super tired after cumming and if I do it, like say for example, okay, I have sex I come, I feel good, I still feel good. I feel like I'm a bit tired immediately after but then I'm cool. I'm still my sexual energy is high and my general energy's high. But then if I have sex either that day again or the next day or even maybe two days I don't I come again, that starts to really have an impact and then if I the third time a day or two later, then I'm really like that I just actually don't feel sexual for like ages afterwards. I'm just like, I'm fucking exhausted. And that's one another thing in the in the eastern traditions is that men, one of the responsibilities of a man is to learn how to control his ejaculation. That's like one of the skills we have to learn or not have to but should if we want to become sexual masters,
Lily LaBeau 1:06:55
which basically means that you can learn orgasm, feel the pleasure of orgasm without actually evacuating?
Nate Maingard 1:07:02
exactly that. Yeah. So I've had the experience. So with ageing, which is such a lovely and if anyone hasn't done ageing yet, I recommend it for both men and women. It's such a nice way to build up intensity. It's happening. Fantastic. And then the Yeah, there we go. Perfect. So you heard it from Lily. You heard it here first. Hopefully not first, but you did hear it here. And what I found is so there's this basic gap between the moment that orgasm begins and the moment that ejaculation begins, and I'm talking about for men at this point, specifically, and so it's a tiny, tiny gap. So the orgasmic sensation begins. And then very fucking soon after that, ejaculation begins, and once you've gone over the edge, there's no that's it. That's it's happening. It's fine. Let go enjoy the process. It's done. But if if learning to find that edge, and stop the Just as you touch it just as you get to that orgasmic it's still even like I still sometimes get, like the convulsions of ejaculation but without the ejaculate and it's not the same feeling of that explosive release it's definitely not like that. But it is like tingly and full body and very like Oh that feels so nice and then it's to like breathe a little bit calm down slow down and then I'm I'm hard I'm I'm horny I'm there I'm still ready for anything else that's coming instead of my god I can't wait to go to sleep right now. And have you found so I'm so with my beloved. One of the interesting things we've discovered is that for her if she edges even though she is can be multi orgasmic and can have you know, many orgasms in one sexual encounter or one during one session of lovemaking. If she just edges, it actually keeps her more like it has a similar effect to as a man not as intense but She finds that her overall sexual energy raises got like long term instead of when we're done she's like, lying the fucking done like I'm done instead it's like oh, let's go do some stuff to have you found that at all is that?
Lily LaBeau 1:09:12
Oh yeah, definitely definitely. Yeah, I I love the long tease. I am a very energetic person. So the more it builds up, the more I'm just like writing reading the clouds, you know, because yeah, if you kind of go at it, like very quick and fast and passionately it's fun but then yeah, you're like, Okay, I'm tired. And you're just exhausted. So I do I do love This is also why I love video thumb is because I love kind of like the plane playing with energy, the energy and then taking away and, you know, it's a game that you can play. And I love to play and love that. The back and forth. Yeah.
Nate Maingard 1:09:56
That's so interesting. Do you have I know we've we're kind of over an hour, and I do you have to Something else you need to be doing immediately because then we can stop now but
Lily LaBeau 1:10:04
I can probably talk for another 10 minutes.
Nate Maingard 1:10:07
That's perfect let's I week is I was already though I thought we were done and then we just got excited on a new track so I'm kind of and I'd love to know so BDSM so I am super vanilla as the term I only found out that term quite recently and I was like, Oh, that's so sweet. For those who who don't know vanilla is like just ordinary sex basically without any kinks involved as far as I understand. And I think a kink would be bdsm. Is that considered a kink? actually don't know,
Lily LaBeau 1:10:35
BDSM stands for
Lily LaBeau 1:10:38
oh my gosh, okay. bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism. BDDSM. I had to learn this during a BDSM theme and I was like thing called training of O where you do like do four days of training and it's crazy. It's super intense and He's like, you know, I'm like holding weights and my hand My arms are dropping, I'm tired. And I'm, you know, and they set you up with like, tell me again, what does it mean? What is the DS? What is that? You know? And it's like asking you questions and there's a vibrator on you, you know, it's just like madness and that stuck in my head and every time I think of it I like kinda, hehehe
Nate Maingard 1:11:20
that's awesome. So tell me so BDSM, I, so Carly and I are very excited to explore more stuff in general like we're looking into getting some toys we're looking at going to a swinging club at some point like we're really having lots of conversations and openness about sexuality and what we don't know where our boundaries are yet. We're deeply in love. We've been together for years. We want to we want to keep exploring, we want to stay open. But I I don't I don't understand BDSM. To me it sounds like a terrible idea. And I'm not saying that it is just like when I think I'm like that sounds painful and uncomfortable to tell me from your perspective. How What is it about for you? Why do you love it? What Tell us a bit more about it just for anyone who doesn't know much about it
Lily LaBeau 1:12:06
Love to. so so when you say painful you're actually talking about the sadism masochism part and a bit of the dominant but dominant doesn't have to be disciplined I mean, but you don't have to have pain to have video. That's just one small section and I do enjoy that I do. I don't know it's not that I miss really enjoyed the pain, but I enjoy the sensations and the ability to be completely just relief, to scream to cry to, to be mad to surrender, you know, it's kind of everything that comes with the pain and the trust the trust of your dominant that's like, Ah, you know, cuz it's kind of taking your power and putting it into someone's hands and saying I trust you enough that you won't cross the boundary and sometimes that can happen boundaries get crossed, but like, the whole PDFs and culture is around consent follow up after care, you know, making sure that everything was okay talking about it. Was there something you didn't like, Oh, I'm I apologise. ticket in mind it won't happen again. You know, and that's, you don't get that in vanilla fact I mean, you should really we should be kind of debriefing the next day whatever say all but if that makes it a requirement, which is so nice and I mean so yeah you have bondage and discipline so bondage anything you could tie him up, you could be in a whole full, you know, cross, you know, structure. There's there's so many different levels that you can play with and, and yeah, being in control, you know, like I had sex therapist woman who I adore her name's Jaya and she talked about doing this challenge with her husband where they did 40 days each one was dominant. And so they agreed like kind of set the rules which expected you know cute things like when you greet me Kiss my cheek or something, you know, refer to me as mistress kind of their fun rules because like, honestly, the person doesn't have to follow them. There's no real caught me there is. But in the couple sense it's really like playing along like surrendering your ego surrendering this pride feeling of not being in control and allowing yourself to just kinda be submissive to this other person and, and it's fun. It's so fun and yeah, I mean,
Lily LaBeau 1:14:44
I love to cry during a scene. If that sounds crazy. It's just this build up this built up this build up this build up and then it's just like,
Lily LaBeau 1:14:53
you know, and it's full emotional body relief and the crying. It's so good. You know, we don't get to cry in this world. We're not supposed to cry in front of people. And so it's kind of like, just like releasing demons in a way. No, it's good.
Nate Maingard 1:15:12
I love I love this. This is kind of blowing my mind. And I'm definitely interested to look more into it and because it just, yeah, I've just, I guess I've never chatted with someone who's super into it. And so to see how excited you are, and to hear like the joy that it brings you and even to be like, I love when I start crying. I'm like, Damn, that's so cool. Like, I just never would think watching it from the outside. I've got like nine i'm not i'm not in but hearing you talk about it. And also hearing, as you say, it's consent based, and it's really about surrendering. And that's beautiful. I mean, there's beautiful elements in there. And I agree that vanilla sex and just general relating should be so much more about how do you feel about this? How did you feel about that? And being able to check in in those ways. That's, that's super cool. And so if, if someone's interested in sort of starting maybe Just like one cool fun thing that is is somewhere in the bsm spectrum. Do you have a recommendation or a thing that you think would be fun for a beginner?
Lily LaBeau 1:16:09
Yeah, yeah, I do. So I'm
Lily LaBeau 1:16:13
spanking, spanking. It's really like the beginning. You know, it has a lot of time to very emotional, you know, we were spanked as kids, whatever, maybe not. But it's this feeling of exposure and, you know. So one thing I love to do with BDSM, because the thing that can be scary if someone's new, maybe they don't know like how hard they're hitting. And as a man, you probably don't want to hit so hard that you you really hurt her. Because that would make you feel awful and she would feel unsafe and you know, that's no good. If it happened, you could talk and it would, you could resolve that but it's better if it just doesn't happen. So, what I like to do is do a game where you someone's receiving someone's giving And for sure you should switch because I think everybody that wants to be dominant should also feel how to be submissive. That's my opinion. And so you, you ask the person, Okay, tell me on a scale of one to five, how hard Am I hitting you? So that way you you think you're hitting a two. So you go kind of medium soft. And they're like, five, you know, so for them, you realise like, Oh shit, their pain threshold is like, way different than mine. And so it's a fun way to kind of like feel out your partner feel at your own strength. And, and yeah, I mean, the best thing I can also say is like, you can want to warm up the skin with any kind of like impact play, you're trying to kind of make it a soft pink before you start doing any kind of firm things or you know, because you don't want to bruise you you kind of just want to like have the sensation and it gets the adrenaline going and gets all the blood going and Yeah, the excitement and and so that's the best way to start is just like kind of warming up the skin get it pink get is rosy.
Lily LaBeau 1:18:10
Fun, right? Everybody loves that.
Nate Maingard 1:18:12
That's so cool.
Lily LaBeau 1:18:14
That's what I
Nate Maingard 1:18:16
and so would you say is really recommend like a hand to start with because I know people can get with, you know, paddles and all kinds of things and I suppose our hands kind of soft as well. So
Lily LaBeau 1:18:25
I think hands are the best way to start because if you're new, you're only one experience. In my opinion, this is my opinion, other people might think differently. Cuz, you know, I mean, some of the basic things grabbing, grabbing someone forcefully can be dominant, but learning how to do it in a way that feels like dominant and not aggressive and scary. Because there's a big difference and you can be super crazy rough and in intense with someone and they can still feel safe. You know, they can still feel like, Oh, this is exciting. I'm being thrown around, but I know I'm saying You won't hurt me, you know, as opposed to, like, I feel out of control and I'm a bit scared, but I don't say anything because we're trying this new thing you know. So I think interacting with bodies is like, so important. First, you know, learning the different levels of touch the grabbing the soft touch. Holding close, you know, for me that I would start
Nate Maingard 1:19:24
That's right, thank you. That's so wonderful
Lily LaBeau 1:19:27
Oh one more, while I have you
Nate Maingard 1:19:28
Lily LaBeau 1:19:29
While I have you worshipping, worshipping, that's the huge thing in BDSM them, okay. Worship, look at someone's foot and worship every inch, touch it, lick it, you know, hold it, smell it like and do that with the whole body. Like in that that's amazing. That gets so much the energy going. It also helps you like really focus in on this person on this. Being that's in front of you, you know, and it's awesome. That sounds fun.
Nate Maingard 1:20:06
So that's a great, that's a great last little note for folks listening to go off now, now that they're properly warmed up with sensual thoughts and ideas, they can take this to their loved ones or themselves and find out where the pleasure is. That's great. Yeah. So thank you so much, Lily, I just such a pleasure getting to know you these last few months and just becoming friends and having you on here and really appreciate your willingness to just show up and be a human. So thank you.
Lily LaBeau 1:20:37
Yeah. We did it, woohoo!
Nate Maingard 1:20:42
How are you doing on the other end of that little journey we just went on. I'm sure that you agree with me if you've listened this far, then by now, I'm 100% that we are on the same page that Lily lebow is a just fantastic, wondrous human being. I don't know if you notice, but I think he After she told me how to say her name Lily lebow. I still went ahead and said it like Lily boo alerted by our house. I was saying it. Lily lebow anyway. So yeah, she's fantastic. I will put all links to her website and all that kind of stuff in the show notes. Obviously, she is an adult entertainer. She's a sex worker. She's a porn star. So if you're going to go to her website, it's going to be naked bodies and sex and all that kind of wonderful stuff. So just note that before you make any further decisions, I think she's fantastic. And as we talked about in this episode, I think that sexuality is just a normal part of human expression. I actually had a funny experience a few months ago where I liked one of Lily's photos on Twitter and it was one where she was showing off her Yoni and she was sitting on a countertop and I just thought it was such a beautiful photo. And so I clicked like on it, went away and came back to my computer. And there were several messages and sort of mentions from people saying, I don't know if you know this person. When you like something, it shows up on our walls or it. I don't know how it happens exactly. But basically a bunch of people had seen this photo because I had liked it. And my response was something along the lines of, well, first of all, I love I'm an adult. I love adult stuff. I love erotica. So I haven't I'm not shameful about that. And I also apologise for anyone who was surprised, but it wasn't a tasteless photo. It wasn't something ugly or violent or nice. It was, I mean, I don't know how many times you've seen stuff shared on the internet that has been so soul destroying and painful and dramatic and bad news and all that kind of stuff. So to me, sharing a fact that I'm spread a photo of a beautiful naked woman a little further than it might have gone, even if unintentionally. I think that's a good thing. Anyway, so all of that I want to hear your thoughts as usual. What are you thinking right now go to naked with nate.com forward slash Lilly LILY And you will find her episode or just go to naked as net.com anytime to just find all the episodes and hers will be the one on the front page for for the next week. And I feel so good. She's such a fantastic human it was I just so enjoyed the chat. I loved the talks about God and about the whole, like, different phone lines to the same person's house. I just thought as you could hear enough that I just love that I thought that was great. It actually reminds me of another one that I read like a storey because it's all metaphors, right? It's all just us having conversations with each other about something that's impossible to actually describe. It's like which we're trying to use finite words and to describe infinite magnificence. It's impossible, but one of the ones I love is this idea of the the teacher coming and pointing the direction. So like someone comes in points at the moon, and people get obsessed with the finger that's doing the pointing because really I think that's what any teacher is doing for us any real even Jesus but Mohammed, any of these people, all they were ever saying is, God is there and actually, I think what they were all doing this as maybe I'm wrong here and you can let me know your thoughts. But I think what they're doing is they're just pointing straight into your heart into my heart into the heart of every person to ever exist and say that that is where the thing is that you're looking for. It's right there. It's always been right there. It will always be right there. So yeah, in terms of interaction, I just wanted to share a lovely voice note from Charles, thank you so much, Charles. And also a reminder to please leave reviews. They rock my world. They help other people to hear about the podcast, they let me know that this has value to people in the world that it's helping things go forwards. If you do leave a review. I will pretty much definitely read it out on an episode. But for now, this is the lovely voice note from Charles and I'll tell you a little bit of a storey about Charles straight after.
Hey, Nate, how's it going? It's Charles here and just wanted to say hello. Leaving your voicemail. I've been in Phoenix for the last week I just got back, spend some more time with my lady out there. Everything's just going wonderful in my life and I haven't heard from you in a while. So I just want to check in with you and see how you're doing. Make sure everything's okay. Looking forward to listen to to this podcast. Can't wait to get into it. But yeah, I just wanted to see how you're doing, man. How you How How? How is Nate these days? I haven't been around much. And like I said, I just got back from Phoenix. I spent one hour and spend a week with her. She's really, she's really something special. And I think we got something going here. And just all I can do is thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, man. You're my brother. You have a good one, man. Bye bye.
Nate Maingard 1:25:54
Charles. You got me all teared up over here, man. Thank you so much. It's such an honour to know you and to know the impact I've had on your journey and definitely to know the impact you have in my life as one of my patrons, one of my people, one of my supporters, he's got my back through thick and thin. For those listening, Charles is just an epic epic dude. And he went through something that is so weird that the hardest thing I can't imagine what going through something like that must be like, I've never been through something like that. He lost the woman who was the love of his life from cancer some years ago, and it really hit him hard. And he went through a really, really tough time and a lot of things fell apart in his life and and then at some point, he heard my song always wondering, and he said that it was like the first time that he kind of saw the light again. And so for me, that's like, the most humbling thing like I don't know how, you know, whatever that that gift, again, what I was talking about the beginning, that gift that comes through and I just, that's all I want to do is just get out of my own way. So that that can keep happening and that the people like Charles can hear hear the storeys and the truth speaking in the songs and and find whatever they need in it. So Charles, I'm so glad to hear that you and this lovely lady are connecting and that things are going so well for you. It's really great to hear your voice. Yes, brother. Absolutely. And it's great that we get to support one another in this life on this road on this journey. Thank you for the voice note. And to everyone else listening. Thank you for being beautiful for being here for existing for showing up. I just appreciate the heck out of you and go and visit the show notes. Now is the time there's a bunch of good stuff there naked with nate.com do all the fun, lovely things, leave me comments and reviews and become patrons and all of that stuff. And thanks for getting naked with Nate. You're awesome. I'll see you next week.
Nate Maingard 1:27:55
Truth and so are you and it's so K to Remember that it's okay to really feel feel every little bit
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Links & Things
- Access the extended, uncut, unedited VIDEO version of this episode
- Make Love Not Porn (MLNP)
- My podcast episode about the song In The Shadows
- AVN (porn awards in Vegas)
- My podcast episode about uploading videos to MLNP
- The Tao of Health, Sex & Longevity by Daniel Reid
- Krista Tippett’s podcast with Rabbi Lawrence Kushner
- Kundalini – 10 light bodies of consciousness/energy
- Sex Educator Jaiya
- Edging as taught by OMGyes
- My song Always Wandering, which helped Charles so much
“All the religions…are just phone-lines to the same person’s house” [email protected] Click To Tweet "I wanna love you but I’m scared you’re gonna hate me from the beginning because I’m a pornstar" [email protected] on the Getting Naked With Nate podcast Click To Tweet
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Special Patron Credits
Josh, Fay Simcock, Kate Harvie, Bryan Foster, Dusky Smithpaine, Martine Thuaire, Clinton, Kevin Blatchford, Tracey ‘Teebie’ Browne, Cathy, Deborah Ellis, Erin McNally, Brendon Sundstrom, Peggy Perry, Trinia R., Kendra Pochadt, Martin Zeman, Jenna Reid, Trisha Cornelius